[001: video]

[inhistorybooks]

I’ve seen a lotta weird stuff in my time on Enterprise, but the Barge might just take the cake. This isn’t really anything like I’d expected it to be. Of course, I’m not really sure what I did expect it to be, but this sure isn’t it. It’s definitely gonna take some gettin’ used to, but I guess I don’t have a lotta choice or anything. I’m not sure the Admiral’d appreciate me chickening out only a coupla days in, and I’m definitely not plannin’ on throwin’ in the towel anyways. I’ve got a deal ta follow through on.

[...]

Funny thing is, now that I think about it, I don’t really remember actually makin’ the deal. Or more like, I don’t remember meetin’ the Admiral. I know why I’m here, I’m just not quite sure how it happened. Is that normal?

Anyways. I'm Commander Charles Tucker, former Chief Engineer on board the starship Enterprise. Everyone calls me Trip.

... I don't suppose there's any chance of getting to check out the engines on this thing?

Comments

[Video]

[so-meretricious.livejournal.com]

A...menu?

[Video]

[bunchasavages.livejournal.com]

Yeah, hold on.

[Pause while he goes to find it, then have the menu, Holmes, on camera, with all the trimmings.]

I particularly like the Dutch Rudder with Foam.

[Video]

[so-meretricious.livejournal.com]

{He glances at few before dramatically turning away.}

Who would compile such a list?

[Video]

[bunchasavages.livejournal.com]

[Randal looks at the menu, then tosses it to the left.]

Someone wanting to sell breast massages, reverse half and half, and a two-girl show, I guess. How else are you gonna know what's in your price range?

[Video]

[yeehawkiller.livejournal.com]

Hey! Is that room service or somethin'? I didn't get one in my room.

[Video] - POOR TRIP. WE'RE SORRY. :C

[bunchasavages.livejournal.com]

Wardens' privilege, asshole.

[Video] - NOT REALLY SORRY >:)

[yeehawkiller.livejournal.com]

I gotta get Abigail on that.

[Video]

[bunchasavages.livejournal.com]

She's just gonna shoot you again.

[Video]

[yeehawkiller.livejournal.com]

Maybe I'll duck this time.

[Video]

[bunchasavages.livejournal.com]

She's going to shoot you in the nuts. That woman is tough as fucking nails.

[Video]

[yeehawkiller.livejournal.com]

Nah, she wouldn't.

[HE HADN'T CONSIDERED THE POSSIBILIY BUT NOW HE IS. SHE TOTALLY WOULD DO THAT D: D:]

[Video]

[bunchasavages.livejournal.com]

I'll bet you twenty bucks she shoots you in the nuts before you graduate. Twenty more says she doesn't miss.

Re: [Video]

[yeehawkiller.livejournal.com]

I ain't takin' that!

A) She's fuckin' crazy an' probably would do it... now that I put my head to it.

B) Why the fuck would I graduate?

[Video]

[bunchasavages.livejournal.com]

A - That's what I'm telling you.

B - Because you want Warden hookers.

[Video]

[yeehawkiller.livejournal.com]

A - So I ain't givin' you no fuckin' money I don't have anyway.

B - Why is that such a bad thing?

[Video]

[so-meretricious.livejournal.com]

{Holmes takes a few moments to process all of that.}

Is this flagrancy...typical of your period?

[Video]

[bunchasavages.livejournal.com]

It's a world gone topsy-turvey. What can I say?

[Video]

[so-meretricious.livejournal.com]

What was the year when you left?

[Video]

[bunchasavages.livejournal.com]

2006. The world is fueled by porn and ruled by damned dirty apes.

[Video]

[so-meretricious.livejournal.com]

What a curious machine.

[Video]

[bunchasavages.livejournal.com]

You don't have prostitution in the dark ages?

[Video]

[so-meretricious.livejournal.com]

{Annoyed.}

It is hardly referred to as the oldest profession for not.

[Video]

[bunchasavages.livejournal.com]

Then what's the problem? At least the menu has set prices. Randy Quaid pays the same price for a breast massage as Harrison Ford.

[Video]

[so-meretricious.livejournal.com]

{How is this not obvious?}

One does not speak of such things.

[Video]

[bunchasavages.livejournal.com]

What, like it's some kind of secret?