inhistorybooks | [001: video]

I’ve seen a lotta weird stuff in my time on Enterprise, but the Barge might just take the cake. This isn’t really anything like I’d expected it to be. Of course, I’m not really sure what I did expect it to be, but this sure isn’t it. It’s definitely gonna take some gettin’ used to, but I guess I don’t have a lotta choice or anything. I’m not sure the Admiral’d appreciate me chickening out only a coupla days in, and I’m definitely not plannin’ on throwin’ in the towel anyways. I’ve got a deal ta follow through on.

[...]

Funny thing is, now that I think about it, I don’t really remember actually makin’ the deal. Or more like, I don’t remember meetin’ the Admiral. I know why I’m here, I’m just not quite sure how it happened. Is that normal?

Anyways. I'm Commander Charles Tucker, former Chief Engineer on board the starship Enterprise. Everyone calls me Trip.

... I don't suppose there's any chance of getting to check out the engines on this thing?

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Holy shit, are you impotent? You're impotent.

You should try Viagra. Have you heard about Viagra? It fantastic, unless it gives you priapism. I had this friend who downed about ten of those little blue pills and had an erection for three days. He had to have it drained, you know, before he got gangrene.

But if you just take one, you should be okay.

{He doesn't make eye contact for that entire story, and he does wince and shut his eyes at the appropriate parts, so there's hope for his not being a machine yet.}

How very unfortunate; my condolences.

Eh, serves him right. His old lady told him it would make his dick bigger if he took more. Do you believe that shit?

I do not know enough about the substance to accurately say.

Ask the doctors for some. I'll bet someone in the infirmary has a pack or two.

Or a penis pump. Someone on this ship has a penis pump.

{There is a repeat performance of the blush, sigh, and turning away before answering this reply.}

Again, I do not require it.

Again, no one requires it.

But it's fun.

And ultimately a pointless exercise.

It has a point.

{Oh, he's going to regret asking this, isn't he?}

And what, pray tell, would be a lasting purpose, beyond a few moments of elation?

Elation? I'm talking about cumming.

{Holmes closes his eyes, pursing his lips before speaking.}

I know what you are speaking of.

So you don't jerk off, either?

{Why does he even bother making eye contact at all in this conversation.}

That is hardly appropriate.

What, compared to all the other really appropriate things we've been talking about?

You, sir, have both my thanks and my respect. Carry on.

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[Audio-Private to Randal]