inhistorybooks | [001: video]

I’ve seen a lotta weird stuff in my time on Enterprise, but the Barge might just take the cake. This isn’t really anything like I’d expected it to be. Of course, I’m not really sure what I did expect it to be, but this sure isn’t it. It’s definitely gonna take some gettin’ used to, but I guess I don’t have a lotta choice or anything. I’m not sure the Admiral’d appreciate me chickening out only a coupla days in, and I’m definitely not plannin’ on throwin’ in the towel anyways. I’ve got a deal ta follow through on.

[...]

Funny thing is, now that I think about it, I don’t really remember actually makin’ the deal. Or more like, I don’t remember meetin’ the Admiral. I know why I’m here, I’m just not quite sure how it happened. Is that normal?

Anyways. I'm Commander Charles Tucker, former Chief Engineer on board the starship Enterprise. Everyone calls me Trip.

... I don't suppose there's any chance of getting to check out the engines on this thing?

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Who does?

And yet you find it remarkable when I should state such a thing.

That's right. Because it's fucking weird that you don't want to have it, like turning down a beer or a piece of chocolate cake, except it's not beer or chocolate cake. It's sex.

Curiously, I do not want for either of those items besides.

Jesus, you're boring.

If you would become a slave to your own flesh that is your own affair.

I wish. I don't have sex nearly often enough to be a slave of anything, my friend.

I'm trying, though - as any red-blooded dude with a working dick should. I'll keep ya posted.

It would seem this goal has already been accomplished.

You seriously need to get laid. I'm just putting that out there. Man, woman, or dog.

I fail to see the benefit.

You don't know why people have sex?

I am aware of the reasons.

Are you afraid of cooties or something?

Would that be some manner of venereal disease?

Something like that.

In which case, no, I do not have a fear of such acquisition.

...Oh, please tell me you're not a virgin. You're a grown fucking man.

{Shifty glance away.}

{Sigh.}

{You are really quite forward, you know.}

I am not.

That must have been some really awful sex if you don't want to have it anymore.

My experiences have nothing at all to do with my lack of desire.

Holy shit, are you impotent? You're impotent.

You should try Viagra. Have you heard about Viagra? It fantastic, unless it gives you priapism. I had this friend who downed about ten of those little blue pills and had an erection for three days. He had to have it drained, you know, before he got gangrene.

But if you just take one, you should be okay.

{He doesn't make eye contact for that entire story, and he does wince and shut his eyes at the appropriate parts, so there's hope for his not being a machine yet.}

How very unfortunate; my condolences.