inhistorybooks | [020: voice]

So, Ray's gone. I'm startin' to wonder if I'm ever gonna get assigned ta someone for more then a couple weeks before they vanish.

... There's somethin' I don't understand. Now, I don't pretend ta know people's reasons for needin' to go back home or anything, but I don't understand why wardens choose to leave permanently without completin' their deal. Choosin' ta leave everything for god knows how long ta complete a deal isn't somethin' you just toss around lightly. You're makin' a commitment to another person, and packin' up and leavin' because it's too hard or somethin' just seems...

I don't get it. And again, I'm not sayin' people who disappear are at fault, or that I get why people leave or anythin' but...

I'm here to do a job. And I'm not leavin' until it's over.

[Private to Fred]

Kinda weird meetin' someone when we're not actually ourselves and with a whole buncha memories that kinda... aren't ours, but it was nice ta meet you.

[Friends Filter - Martha, Kay, Capa, Sarah, Tim, Rex, Four, Kirk (yes even you), anyone else who should be on it.]

How's everyone doin' after that breach?

[Filtered to Tosh and Harper]

I know this might be some kinda "too many cooks in the kitchen" thing, but would either of you mind if I come down and take a look at the engines or somethin' once and a while? It's just, it's been kinda weird not havin' engines ta keep an eye on these last couple months and I'm not lookin' to step in and take over or anythin', I just want somethin' a little different then fixin' laundry machines and cleanin' up after people. [He's a chief engineer, not a maintenance guy and all that.]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

All due respect, Sarge? I've got plenty of stuff back home to return to, and I've got a pretty strong sense of duty, too. But what I'm here for's just as important as bein' back on Enterprise doin' my job, and all that is still there, waitin' for me when I'm done. Time won't even pass. But if I go back now and never come back? My daughter'll stay dead. I don't know everyone's deals, but I assume most people who've made deals've made similar ones, because what else would you willingly sign yourself away to be here for?

So sure, I'm just as homesick as the next person, and I'd love to go home tomorrow, but I'm not gonna, because that somewhere better for me'll still be there whether I head back tomorrow or in a week or next year. But if I leave tomorrow, Elizabeth won't be, and that's more important to me then just goin' about my business back home.

Edited 2011-05-22 23:53 (UTC)

Aye, and... you've got a point. It's probably one I find difficult to see sometimes because I think there's a different perspective on the whole thing if you're dead.

But I imagine there are some people who didn't quite imagine how much they'd be signing away, and might have decided they'd be better trying to get the terms of their deal somewhere else, or in another way. [he won't mention how bringing people back to life rubs him up the wrong way, as he's not that tactless.]

I just couldn't imagine staying away from where my original sense of duty and care lay for so long. But I also couldn't think of a thing to strike a deal for, so perhaps it is just a different perspective on things.

Probably. When you've got somethin' ta make a deal for, you'd be surprised what you're willing to do.

Don't you feel a little... exploited?

No. Should I?

I don't know, really. It's not a position I'm in.

But... taking someone who's prepared to go to any lengths to get their daughter or wife, or own life back, or rescue a planet, and asking them to put up with literally any lengths does seem a little exploitative to me.

Maybe. But what we're doin' here's important. Giving people a second chance sounds just fine to me.

I'm not denying that. I'm here free of charge for that reason.

It's everything else. I just wonder if he's taking advantage of your desire to get things back and genuine dedication to the idea, sometimes.

I'm not a cynic. I believe in doing the right thing for the sake of doing the right thing. I'm just not sure if that's his intent.

Then what's his intent matter if that's how you feel?

Because it's not just about me.

What would he be getting out of it, if he wasn't just doing the right thing for the sake of being right? Watchin' us scramble and bite each other's heads off and blamin' it all on him must get tirin' after a while.

Probably. But I'm not sure his judgement is right either - just from an observance point of view, it sort of feels like people are getting things they'd do anything for in return for serving him.

So?

So... I dunno. I'd feel like I was being taken advantage of.

He didn't force me ta be here, Howie. If I wanted to leave, I would.

But you wouldn't because you've got too much at stake.

If someone offered you somethin' you wanted, and said in exchange, they want you to do somethin' good for another person, and that it wouldn't be easy but it'd be worth it and no time would pass while you're gone, you'd really say no thanks?

In... replacement for the duties I had in real life, in the position I had at home before I died - I'd think I was doing the right thing there, and owed my country, and the people I worked with and loved, more than a... deal for something I wanted.

What I want is to do the right thing - and I think the work I did was the right thing. After that, all the things I want are at home, in real life.

Then why not make your deal for that?

Because that'd be requesting my life back.

Which would be at the expense of someone else's.

Really?

Yes. Probably a child's.

It was made very clear to me before I died that... I was the best choice they had of victims. If it wasn't me, they'd go to the next best choice. Which, if my calculations are correct, would be a 12 year old girl.

[020: voice]

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